Story 2

Recently, some guy wandered around the supermarket with a very important face: the CEO of the world, no less. I watched him for a long time, but then decided to play a joke on him.
I approached him and asked, “Do you know where can I find noodles on sale?” When he protested, I apologized, of course, as if I had inadvertently mistaken him for a supermarket employee. You should have seen his face.

Story 3

I was standing in line in a supermarket and began to search my pockets for coins. Then a squeak came out of my pocket. And everyone looked at me surprised.

What do they want me to say? That I’ve got rubber ducklings in my pocket? Well, I do

Story 4

I’m standing in line in a supermarket. A woman is in front of me, and her child is literally screaming. She doesn’t react to it for a long time at first, but then she shouts at her, “Kate, stop crying!” The child starts crying even louder.

And I don’t understand why the mum can’t make a simple math in her mind, “Screaming + screaming = more screaming.”

Story 5

I was at a supermarket, and went to get some tomatoes. They were all damaged and wrinkled. So, I carefully picked better ones and put them into a plastic bag.

Then a woman in a supermarket waistcoat runs up to me and starts shouting, “It’s not a market, you can’t choose tomatoes, you should take them as they are!” I calmly asked her to pick a couple of pounds for me. She carelessly poured all the tomatoes I had chosen from the bag back into the tray, just grabbed tomatoes without looking, and proudly handed the bag to me.

Story 6

My husband is a peaceful giant. He is 6 feet 5 and can look quite imposing, even though he really is a teddy bear. Never stressed or aggressive, never overreacting or raising his voice, just a peaceful giant.
So here we are, at the grocery shop, with our 6-month-old baby shopping for food and whatnot. It is winter in Canada and we are both wearing our coats. The kid is fussy and nothing really calms him except when we carry him in our arms. It’s my turn and my husband is going back and forth gathering what we need and bringing the items to our cart when the banshee-from-hell (BFH from now on) got in his face (figure of speech, she was like 5 feet 2) and started yelling at him, “Are you done? You’ve been helping her forever, and I need help! Now!”

My husband (with his smooth everything-is-good kind of tone), “I’m so sorry, but I’m afraid I do not work here…” BFH, “Lies! I just saw you help her shopping. Now, you help me! And you do not talk back to me!” My husband sees me boiling and about to interfere but makes a sign that says he is going to deal with it.

He then calmly look at her with a smile. BFH (smuggling), “Good! Now, help me grab the last item on this high shelve. Why in the hell you people always put the stuff I need so high is beyond me. Now, chop-chop!” My husband grabs the item, but instead of giving it to her, he keeps it just a tiny bit out of her reach. He looks at it and then at me.
Husband (grinning), “Honey, do we need this?” Me (catching on), “Well, as a matter of fact, yes! We do!” Lady, “What?! How dare you give her my stuff!” Super slowly, my husband gets closer to the lady. He is so imposing that she calms down immediately.

With the biggest of smile and the most polite voice ever, he says to her, “Again, I do not work here… but thank you for showing me this condiment. We were about to forget it.” And with that, he puts the item in our cart, grabs the baby and together, we leave. In the background, the lady howling some profanities. All 3 of us smiling. I love my husband.

Story 7

An old boyfriend and I were shopping and being silly, tossing stuff to each other to put in the cart. He tossed a package of paper towels to me and a dude springs out from behind me, intercepts the towels, and runs them back for a touchdown. Complete with dance in the aisle at the end.

Story 8

Standing at the supermarket checkout. At the next checkout, a dad and his young son approach the cashier. When the father starts to pay, the son tilts his head, sticks out his tongue and licks the conveyor belt that was moving at that moment. Apparently, he decided to look at the long wet trail his tongue left.

When his dad looked at him, the boy had already stopped licking the belt and no one but us saw it.

Story 9

I was high school age, doing routine grocery shopping with my mom when I got the hiccups. I get really loud hiccups, and they didn’t stop for the 3 aisles we trekked down. Some older gentleman rounded a corner to confront me and explained he was a doctor and made me breathe with him until they stopped.

He was so kind and patient! It was really funny in retrospect that I was making enough racket that he felt the need to intervene.