By Premiumkosova 
A priest took a beautiful girl in his bedroom. He put a Bible on the bed and asked the girl to lie on the bed. When the priest tried to have lovemaking with her, the girl shouted: “Father, what are you doing?”
The priest paused, startled by her outburst, and quickly pointed to the Bible he had placed on the bed.
“Daughter,” he said in a flustered voice, “I’m merely following the scripture that says, ‘Be fruitful and multiply!’”
The girl eyed him skeptically and replied, “I’m pretty sure that verse doesn’t include you!”
The priest, embarrassed, looked down at the Bible and muttered, “Perhaps I misread that part…”
They both stared at each other for a long moment. Finally, the priest closed the Bible, cleared his throat, and said, “Well, let’s just pray I don’t end up in confession about this tomorrow.”
Enjoyed this ? Here are 20 more jokes so you can enjoy :
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The Parish Confession
A devoted parishioner goes to confession and whispers, “Father, I broke all Ten Commandments.”
The priest replies, “My child, that’s impossible. I only count nine.”
She smirks, “I invented a new one.” -
Heaven’s Secret
A monk once prayed so hard he claimed he could hear angels gossiping.
When asked what they said, he shrugged: “They told me to mind my own business!” -
Church Donation Box
A preacher placed a donation box with a sign: “Give according to how much you’ve sinned.”
The next day, he found a note: “I owe you double next Sunday.” -
Nuns on Vacation
Two nuns decide to take a holiday by the beach. One sees a man tanning and exclaims, “Sister, cover your eyes!”
The other nun giggles, “Only if he covers his… sunburn.” -
Surprise at the Convent
A novice nun told the Mother Superior, “I keep dreaming of a handsome angel.”
Mother Superior raised an eyebrow: “Next time he visits, ask for ID.” -
Pastor’s Best Friend
A pastor bragged about how his dog never barks during sermons.
“Why would he bark?” the pastor said. “He’s heard it all in confession already.” -
The Deacon’s Secret
A deacon arrived at church with a big grin. The pastor asked, “Why so happy?”
He whispered, “I found out the communion wine isn’t just for the faithful—sometimes it’s for the forgetful, too!” -
Angel in Disguise
A traveler claimed he saw an angel at the bus stop.
“How did you know it was an angel?” someone asked.
He shrugged: “Well, she gave me her seat and said, ‘Bless you, child, but you owe me a latte.’” -
The Mischievous Organist
An organist was caught practicing disco tunes in the church. When confronted, she said, “I’m just warming up for the heavenly choir—who says they don’t boogie?” -
Reverend’s Day Off
A reverend told his congregation, “I’m taking a day off to test if I’m truly needed.”
The next Sunday, everyone showed up an hour late, proving the reverend’s hunch was right. -
Evangelical Economics
A pastor announced: “Give 10% to the Lord, and He’ll return blessings tenfold!”
A skeptic asked, “So if I give 20%, do I get 20 times more blessings?”
The pastor grinned, “We’ll both find out soon, won’t we?” -
Heavenly Fast Food
A newly arrived angel asked St. Peter, “Where’s the best place to eat?”
St. Peter shrugged, “Anywhere but the confessional line—too much hot gossip and not enough spice.” -
Late-Night Prayer
A devout man prayed so late that he fell asleep in church. He dreamed God said, “Next time, bring coffee. I like a wide-awake audience.” -
The Joyful Monastery
A monastery decided to introduce jokes at dinner to lighten the mood. One monk asked, “Is laughter a sin?”
The head monk chuckled: “Only if you forget to say grace first.” -
Preacher’s Car
A preacher put a bumper sticker on his car: “Honk if you love Jesus.” After getting stuck in traffic, he muttered, “That was a mistake. I nearly converted half the highway!” -
Pilgrim’s Surprise
A pilgrim visited a holy shrine, expecting silence and solemnity. Instead, he found a sign: “No chanting after 10 PM—monks need beauty sleep.”
The pilgrim whispered, “Amen to that.” -
Miracle Misunderstanding
A faithful woman claimed she witnessed a miracle: water turning into coffee. Turned out the church caretaker had replaced the holy water with his morning brew.
“A miracle,” he said, “for my sanity!” -
Confessional Line
One Sunday, the confessional line was unusually long. The priest asked the first penitent, “Why is everyone here?”
The penitent shrugged, “They heard you’re giving free forgiveness with a side of donuts.” -
Heaven’s Gatekeeper
A man at the pearly gates boasted, “I once performed a miracle.”
St. Peter replied, “That’s wonderful, but did you tip your waitress that day?”
The man paused. “Uh, I guess I have some explaining to do.” -
The Sunday Sermon
A parishioner complimented the pastor, “Your sermons always put me to sleep peacefully.”
The pastor smiled politely, “Well, I do aim for restful souls, but let’s try to keep you awake next time.”
Loving these ? Below are 20 more jokes that you can enjoy:
1. The Monk’s Strange Habit
A small monastery was known for its strict vow of silence. One young monk, however, was allowed a single sentence every year. On his first anniversary, he reported to the abbot and said, “The bed is too hard.” Another year passed, and he returned to say, “The soup is too cold.” Finally, on the third anniversary, he sighed, “I’m leaving.”
The abbot raised an eyebrow. “I’m not surprised,” he replied. “All you’ve done since you got here is complain!”
2. The Preacher’s Confession
A preacher was preaching so passionately about sin that the whole congregation squirmed in their pews. Afterward, an elderly woman approached him, wide-eyed. “Reverend,” she whispered, “your sermon on temptation nearly tempted me to do something naughty just for the thrill!”
The preacher blushed, then leaned in to whisper back, “And you nearly tempted me to skip the next sermon altogether—my heart can’t take that kind of tension twice in a row.”
3. The Nun and the Umbrella
Two nuns found themselves caught in a sudden rainstorm while walking through town. The younger nun produced an umbrella with a sly grin, popping it open. “Sister,” the older nun exclaimed, “I didn’t know we had an umbrella.”
“Technically,” the younger nun replied, “it’s the Father’s. I borrowed it from the rectory.”
“Borrowed?” the older nun echoed. “You’re sure we won’t need to confess about this?”
The younger nun just winked, “If the Father wanted it back, maybe he should have prayed for sunshine!”
4. Choir Practice Chaos
A church choir was so proud of their harmony that they insisted on practicing daily. One evening, the organist forgot the sheet music and tried improvising a modern pop tune. The choir director nearly fainted. “This is a house of worship, not a discotheque!” he gasped.
Undeterred, the organist said, “Well, the Lord said, ‘Make a joyful noise,’ right?”
From the back row, an alto chimed in, “Yes, but He never said it had to sound like Saturday night karaoke!”
5. The Lost Hymnal
A devout parishioner noticed that every Sunday, the same hymnal disappeared from the pew. Determined to solve the mystery, she arrived early one week and hid behind the altar. Soon enough, she saw a fellow congregant quietly slipping the hymnal into his bag.
She confronted him after the service, asking why he needed the book so badly. The man sheepishly admitted, “I can’t afford my own, and your singing is so out of tune, I figured I could practice at home to help you all out.”
She blushed, then whispered, “Well, next time just ask—I’d have loaned you my earplugs, too!”
6. The Angelic Barista
A traveler claimed he met an angel at a roadside café. “How’d you know she was an angel?” his friend asked.
He replied, “Well, she offered me coffee, and it was so good I swore it was heaven-sent.”
The friend laughed. “So angels carry coffee now?”
“Apparently so,” the traveler shrugged. “She also left a note saying, ‘Don’t forget to tip your guardian angel!’ That’s when I realized even angels expect a little something extra.”
7. The Sermon Switcheroo
A pastor became so bored with his own sermons that he decided to try something different. On Sunday, he announced, “Today’s topic: ‘Thou Shalt Not Doze Off in Church.’”
The congregation giggled, assuming he was joking—until he produced a small squirt gun. “Anyone nodding off,” he said with a grin, “gets a holy spritz.”
By the end of the sermon, not a single eyelid drooped. The pastor’s best friend joked afterward, “That was the most alert I’ve been since Sunday school threatened pop quizzes.”
8. The Rival Churches
Two churches stood across the street from each other—one Baptist, one Presbyterian. Each had a signboard out front. The Baptist sign read, “Jesus Is the Only Way.” Not to be outdone, the Presbyterian sign declared, “Yes, But We’ve Got the Best Snacks.”
A passerby joked, “I’ll follow the snack sign. Sometimes, a heavenly cookie can guide the soul better than a thousand words.”
The pastors from both churches finally met for coffee, agreeing that sometimes, a little humor can bring people in more effectively than stern warnings.
9. A Heavenly Mix-Up
A devout woman dreamed she went to heaven, only to find the angels listening to rock music. Stunned, she asked, “Isn’t that too loud for paradise?”
One angel shrugged, “We tried harps for centuries, but we realized a bit of bass keeps us awake.”
When she woke, she told her pastor, who chuckled, “So, next Sunday, you’ll be bringing your electric guitar to worship, I take it?”
She paused. “As long as it’s tuned to the key of glory.”
10. The Unexpected Sermon Topic
A congregation settled in for a Sunday service, bracing for a typical sermon on kindness. To their surprise, the pastor announced, “Today, we’re discussing the art of a well-timed nap.”
Gasps rippled through the pews. He grinned, “Jesus rested, so why can’t we? But let’s do it at home, not in my sermon, please!”
By the end of the service, half the congregation felt oddly validated for their afternoon siestas. The pastor concluded, “Even the holiest among us need a break—just keep it off the pews, folks!”
11. The Awkward Confession
A young man, new to the faith, nervously entered the confessional and whispered, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I accidentally ate the communion wafers at home.”
The priest nearly choked. “You took them home?”
Sheepishly, the man explained, “They were in a bag labeled ‘snacks’—I was hungry!”
After a moment of stunned silence, the priest gently replied, “I’d suggest you try a grocery store next time, my son. Also, maybe a little penance of restocking the church’s supply might help your soul.”
12. The Secret of the Bell Tower
A curious child asked the pastor why the bell tower chimed at midnight even when there was no service. The pastor smiled. “You see, the bell likes to practice when no one is listening—kind of like me rehearsing my sermons in the mirror.”
The child giggled, “So the bell is shy?”
“Not shy,” the pastor said, “just considerate. It’s saving the best chimes for when we all gather in daylight.”
The child replied, “Well, if your sermons are anything like that bell, I hope they never ring off-key!”
13. The Church Bake Sale
A local church decided to host a bake sale with a twist—every item had to be inspired by a biblical story. One parishioner brought “Manna Muffins,” another brought “Noah’s Rainbow Cookies,” and a third brought “Adam’s Apple Pie.”
When the pastor tried a bite of the apple pie, he exclaimed, “This is so good, it’s practically sinful!”
The baker winked. “Be careful, Pastor—too many bites, and you’ll be banished from the garden of waistline comfort!”
14. The Seminarian’s Dilemma
A seminarian, fresh out of theology school, was asked to deliver his first sermon. Nervous, he began, “Good morning, everyone. Today’s topic is—uh—um—” and then he froze.
After an agonizing pause, he blurted out, “Fellowship is important, so let’s discuss coffee hour instead!”
The congregation chuckled kindly. By the end of the improvised talk on coffee fellowship, the seminarian realized sometimes the simplest message can be the most heartfelt. The pastor patted his shoulder, “You’ve preached a sermon we can all relate to—coffee and community!”
15. The Pastor’s Late Night
A pastor stayed up all night trying to finish his Sunday sermon. Exhausted, he arrived at church, promptly fell asleep in the front pew, and missed the entire opening hymn. The congregation watched in amusement as the choir director whispered to a deacon, “Should we wake him, or let him dream up a better sermon?”
Finally, the pastor woke with a start, realized the entire church was waiting, and muttered, “And that, folks, is what I call resting in the Spirit.”
16. The Nuns’ Day Off
Two nuns decided they needed a break from the convent, so they visited a local amusement park in full habit. People stared, but the nuns were too excited to care. They rode roller coasters, played arcade games, and even tried the bumper cars.
One nun exclaimed, “Sister, this might be our calling—to bring joy wherever we go!”
The other nun replied, “Yes, but maybe next time we’ll wear casual clothes. I just bumped the bishop in line for cotton candy, and I don’t think he recognized me.”
17. The Evangelist’s New Tech
A traveling evangelist embraced modern technology to spread the word. He live-streamed his sermons, used digital slides, and even introduced an app for confessions.
At a revival meeting, a parishioner asked, “How can I repent online?”
The evangelist proudly replied, “There’s a button for that. Just tap ‘Amen!’ Then fill in your sins and hit ‘Send.’ You’ll get a custom prayer response instantly!”
Later, a glitch caused everyone’s confessions to appear on the public screen. The evangelist quickly unplugged the system, stammering, “Well, folks, guess we all need some real, in-person absolution now!”
18. The Disastrous Church Picnic
The annual church picnic was famous for its potluck spread. This year, though, a mischievous deacon mixed extra chili flakes into every dish, including the desserts.
Chaos ensued as tongues burned and eyes watered. The pastor tried to keep it together, gasping, “Let us pray for deliverance from this heat!”
One brave soul mumbled, “If hell is hotter than this picnic, I’m definitely staying on the straight and narrow!”
The deacon later admitted, “I just wanted to spice things up, literally and spiritually.”
19. Midnight Organ Practice
A quiet organist in an old cathedral found it hard to practice during the day, so he played at midnight. The caretaker heard haunting melodies echoing through the empty aisles and swore the place was haunted.
One night, he summoned the courage to investigate, only to find the organist engrossed in a complex piece.
“Sorry,” the organist said. “Didn’t mean to spook you. I just find the acoustics more angelic at midnight.”
The caretaker sighed in relief, “Well, next time, just warn me before I mistake your tunes for ghostly wails.”
20. The Young Priest’s Wedding Vow Mix-Up
A newly ordained priest was officiating his first wedding. Nervous, he accidentally merged the wedding vows with part of a funeral rite. The bride nearly fainted when he intoned, “In sickness and in health, till death do you part—and may eternal rest grant unto you!”
The groom whispered urgently, “Father, that’s the funeral line!”
Flustered, the priest corrected himself, “Uh, disregard the last part, folks. Let’s just say you’ll be together… hopefully without rest in peace, for a long time!”
The bride quipped, “It’s okay, Father, as long as we don’t have to say ‘Amen’ to that bit.”